At work

You guys probably have started to think it's all fun and games out here. Well I'm here to set the record straight. I still am working 3 nights a week. It's okay, but the nights definitely move slower. I miss my old job. Mostly my old friends. I have been blessed to work with some pretty fantastic people in Athens and Huntsville. They have made me laugh and taught me a whole lot. 

Travel nursing has been somewhat of an adjustment: Learning where everything is, how a unit does things different than you're used to, what everyone's name is.  My coworkers are friendly and helpful, but we haven't been together long enough for them to understand my sense of humor and I probably won't be here long enough to completely be myself around them. For the most part I have tried to be helpful, easy-going and hardworking. I don't want the reputation as someone who was lazy or complained a lot. 

Which brings me to another important aspect of nursing: Nursing can crush you if you let it. Not in the way that you're thinking. Yes, you form relationships with patients and families and things go bad sometimes and it's heartbreaking. But I'm talking about a different part of nursing: the part where you let what your coworkers and colleagues think about the job that you're doing dictate what kind of nurse you think you are. Which I guess could be true for most professions, but here in the medical field where everyone is a type-A perfectionist it is especially intimidating. 

Let me explain. It took about 15 minutes this morning for me to go from feeling confident about my shift to questioning the job I had done last night. I had taken care of a patient who was recovering from a pretty routine surgery to have her gallbladder removed. She had been pretty out of it for most of the night due to multiple pain meds given in the recovery room but I still made every appropriate intervention I thought was necessary to make her more comfortable and get her ready for discharge the next day. Encouraged fluids. Gave medicines for pain and nausea. Watched her incision sites. Encouraged walking. Monitored vital signs. Advanced her diet within what she could tolerate. 

While getting up to the bathroom early right before shift change, the patient passed out and sent her mother into the hallway screaming and all the nurses running to her room in a panic.

While frantically trying to get vital signs and explain the the doc at bedside the patients condition overnight, I couldn't help but feel like this was my fault. And these people don't know me well enough to know what kind of nurse I am or what kind of job I do. I was crushed- by what I thought my coworkers, the MD and the patient's family thought of me. It's hard to gain someone's trust in a short amount of time, but you can loose it pretty quickly. 

It turns out none of this was my fault at all and the patient is fine. But we put such pressure on ourselves as nurses and it's just not okay. We are on our feet for 12 hours trying to remember so many details about diseases and medicines and nursing considerations while trying to effectively communicate with patients, families and providers. It's a lot to handle. And making a mistake is not always okay.

I want to work in an environment where I feel confident about my skills but am always open to learning. No one can be the perfect nurse (or the perfect anything) but I know if God made room in His kingdom for a screw-up like me, and He has shown me the grace to pursue my dreams for my nursing career, He will see me through until the end. 

A less stressful day, shopping and strolling with my husband (and coffee, my first love)